Finding the Balance: My journey with exercise and joyful movement as an eating disorder therapist
- Jillian Hynynen
- Feb 9
- 4 min read
By Jillian Hynynen, LCSW
Eating Disorder and Trauma Therapist
From Competitive Sports to Coastal Runs
I grew up with a ball in my hands. I played sports throughout my childhood, eventually finding my rhythm in volleyball and later leaning into lacrosse while living on the East Coast.
I never would have labeled myself a "runner," but that changed when my husband and I moved to Los Angeles for graduate school. Living near the coast, I found a community; my friends and I would run along Santa Monica Beach, the salt air making the miles feel light. For the first time, I truly identified as a runner.
Adaptation and Life Transitions
A few years later, life shifted us to Washington State. Suddenly, I was trading the California sun for fog and persistent drizzle. I learned to embrace the PNW elements, often pushing my first child in a BOB stroller during my runs. I actually appreciated the "excuse" to end a route early if he got fussy—it was a natural boundary I didn't know I needed. At the same time, I kept my competitive spark alive by joining a local volleyball group a few times a week.
The Shift: When Movement Became "Taboo"
My perspective on fitness took a sharp turn when I began working at a residential treatment center for eating disorders. Because patients there were not to engage in physical activity for their safety, I fell into a black-and-white trap: “If these patients aren’t supposed to exercise, I guess exercise must be a bad thing.”
I stopped doing the activities I loved. While this coincided with the start of the COVID-19 lockdowns, the mental shift was the primary driver. Predictably, my mood and energy plummeted. I eventually realized that movement wasn't the enemy; my relationship with it just needed a new framework. During the pandemic, I began exploring "joyful movement"—sometimes through a yoga video in my living room, other times through a quiet hike in the woods. Setting aside that time for myself became a vital pillar of my mental health.
I realized that my "why" had changed. I no longer wanted to exercise to hit a certain number or meet a rigid standard; I wanted to stay strong and mobile so I could be active with my kids. Whether it’s keeping up with them at the park or being strong enough to lift them without a second thought, my movement now serves my life as a mother and my well-being as an individual.
The Trap of Compulsive Exercise
In my work with individuals struggling with eating disorders, I often see exercise intertwined with dieting and weight loss. When you are dieting while working out, you likely aren't getting enough fuel—particularly carbohydrates—to sustain your body.
When you’re stuck in this cycle, exercise stops being a celebration of what your body can do and starts feeling like a punishment. It becomes something you have to do to "earn" your food. Rather than training with this rigid mindset, I work with my clients on the concept of Joyful Movement (or what Intuitive Eating calls Mindful Exercise).
Recognizing the Red Flags
Movement offers incredible benefits, from reducing anxiety and stress to improving sleep and cognitive function. However, if your exercise is compulsive, you lose those benefits and replace them with physical and mental strain.
Signs of compulsive exercise include:
Persistent Guilt: Feeling intense shame or guilt if you miss a single workout.
Ignoring Body Cues: An inability to rest even if you are sick, injured, or exhausted.
Sleep Disturbances: Struggling to sleep at night (often a sign of overtraining).
Social Withdrawal: Skipping social events or abandoning responsibilities to make time for exercise.
Performance-Based Worth: Basing your entire self-worth on the number of miles run or workouts completed.
Exercise Penance: Exercising specifically to "burn off" or "compensate" for what you ate.
Fear of Change: A genuine fear that your body will change or you will gain weight if you stop for a single day.
Moving from Compulsive Exercise Towards Joyful Movement and Food and Body Freedom
It is a common misconception that "more is always better" when it comes to fitness. However, when movement shifts from a source of joy to a rigid set of rules, it ceases to be a health-promoting behavior. Reclaiming your life from compulsive exercise isn't about laziness; it’s about regaining the flexibility to live fully, rest deeply, and trust your body again.
Healing this relationship takes time, self-compassion, and often, professional support to untangle the deep-seated beliefs that keep the cycle going. You don't have to navigate this journey alone.
Take the First Step Today
If you recognized yourself in the signs of compulsive exercise listed above, please know that help is available. You deserve to move your body because it feels good, not because you feel obligated to.
Ready to shift from punishing exercise to joyful movement that feels like freedom?
Click the link above to book a session with me. If you have any questions beforehand, you can also schedule a free consultation call. Together, we can work toward a life where movement is a choice, fuel is abundant, and your worth is never defined by a workout.
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